tough decisions

On my way to Egypt, I had my swiss army knife taken off me at the airport because, for the first time in 4 years, I forgot to put my keys in my suitcase and my pocketknife lives on my keyring. As makes sense. (By which I mean having it on my keyring makes sense. Forgetting to put it in my suitcase is just plain stupid.) So now I need a new one but cannot for the life of me choose exactly what I want. I have a list of things my knife must have and things it'd be nice if it did have and no knife seems to have everything on it.
must have
scissors (I use these the most)
tweezers and toothpick
knife blade
would be nice if it did have
can opener
bottle opener
corkscrew (spot a theme here)
nail file

But instead my choices are:

rambler
Length: 58mm
Layers: 2
Features: 9
* Thin Blade
* Nail file
* Bottle Opener
* Magnetic Philips screwdriver
* Wire stripper
* Flat blade screwdriver
* Keyring
* Tweezers
* Toothpick
* Scissors
Bottle opener good, scissors good but I'd really like a can opener and I know from experience that the blade on this one is pissy and small. I like a solid knife.

minichamp
Length: 58mm
Layers: 3
Features: 11
* Thin Blade
* Nail file
* Nail cleaner
* Cuticle Pusher
* Flat Blade Screwdriver
* Ruler
* Letter Opener
* Emergency Blade
* Orange Peeler & Scraper
* Bottle Opener
* Magnetic Philips screwdriver
* Wire stripper
* Keyring
* Ballpoint Pen
* Tweezers
* Toothpick
* Scissors
This one has more stuff but really more of the things I want and again, pissy little blade.

executive
Length: 74mm
Layers: 2
Features: 7
* Large Blade
* Small Blade
* Nail file
* Nail cleaner
* Flat Blade Screwdriver
* Orange Peeler
* Keyring
* Tweezers
* Scissors
This is the one I had and, in all honestly, will probably be the one I get again. I'd just really like if they'd put a bottle opener or can opener (in fact the two can double up) on there instead of the stupid orange peeler. I mean WTF?! The larger blade is okay though.

sportsman
Length: 84mm
Layers: 2
Features: 8
* Large Blade
* Corkscrew
* Can Opener
* Small Screwdriver
* Bottle Opener
* Large Screwdriver
* Wire Stripper
* Reamer & Puncher
* Nail File & Cleaner (short)
* Keyring
* Tweezers
* Toothpick
Here we are moving into what they call the 'large knives'. This looks like it has it all except WHERE'RE MY BLOODY SCISSORS?!!! Dickheads.

climber
Length: 91mm
Layers: 3
Features: 11
* Large Blade
* Small Blade
* Corkscrew
* Can Opener
* Small Screwdriver
* Bottle Opener
* Large Screwdriver
* Wire Stripper
* Reamer, Puncher & Sewing Eye
* Hook
* Scissors
* Keyring
* Tweezers
* Toothpick
Really, this one seems to have it all (except the nail file which I can cope without) except it's just too big to go on my keyring (I'm starting to feel like a MacGyver version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears...) and would totally doiminate things. I think there's an irony that my almost perfect knife is called the 'climber'...

So what's a girl to do? The climber is cheaper than executive which I just don't understand, even though it's nearly 2cm longer and a layer deeper. ARGH! Help! I just can't choose!

once upon a time...

My friend sent me this:

haikus are easy
but some times they don't make sense
refrigerator

It made me smile because there was a time when I was doing jujitsu that me and the only other girl there were making up haiku, usually on our 'conditioning' evenings, where we were quite often the only consistent attendees. I mean what else is a girl to do to distract herself and she tries to do chin-ups and tricep dips...? And all these years later, a training buddy sees a haiku and thinks of me. I cannot ask for more. ;-)

I want I want I want I want I want I want I want

Is this not an object of beauty?! I want it bad. But I also think I could make something similar if I put my mind to it and then I'd love it a gazillion times more than this glorious thing because I'd made it myself.


I'm also in love with this owl fabric. Cute, funky and just generally hilarious. I have decided that the Etsy Shop is a dangerous place and I'm lucky that I don't live in the States as at the moment, international shipping costs are a pretty good deterrent.

vexed and puzzled

After talking to my Dad at the weekend about my verdict on Jumper the movie, I found I had a hankering to read the book again. Partially because it's a good book but mainly to get rid of the movie stuff in my head and reaffirm characters and events as first seen in my mind's eye. So naturally I head along to ye olde trust local library but it wasn't there. Not phased (because it's a small library and it's easy enough to interloan between different branches in my borough) I hopped on to the catalogue only to find that it wasn't there. As in they don't have it. I consider this a crime in itself but it just gets down right weird when you find out that they do have Reflex, the sequel. I think you will join me in saying, "WTF?!" Now I'm annoyed because I want to read it, and in typical fashion, now that I can't get it I really want to read it but I don't want to buy it because Dad has a copy in Oz so it would be like doubling up. So annoying.

I will, at this point, direct you to one of my Dad's blog entries which kinda relates to all this in that it's about reading. If I were to brutally sum up, I'd say it's about how your environment effects what you read and personally I think it's a pretty interesting thing to think about. Why do we read what we read? Sure, partially it's personal but saying that it's influenced by how we were brought up and what books our parents like and what mood were were in or what stage we were at in our life when we came across a book is indeed a major factor. I know that my sci-fi/fantasy predilection arose because my Dad just so happened to be the one who seemed to recommend books to me and it's taken off from there. I don't know why the sci-fi/fantasy genre isn't more popular really because when you're a kid, it's all vivid imagination and fairy tales so surely it's easy to slip in to that genre. Sure, it seems that there are more of that genre around for younger children these days (Harry Potter, Spiderwick, Lemony Snickett, even maybe His Dark Materials) but I don't remember ever having a shortage of it growing up although the only 'young adults' sci-fi/fantasy I can think of right now is Diana Wynne Jones... As far as I'm concerned, Robert Jordan, Terry Brooks, David Eddings.. they're all more heading towards teenage reading as opposed to hitting kids around 8-12 when they should be reading for themselves but need something maybe not so heavy. Actually I can't believe I'm writing that because I know that I at least was an exception to this rule. I'd read The Chronicles of Shannara by the time I was 9* and probably the first two series of David Eddings'. Once I got in to reading there was pretty much no stopping me. By age 10 I had read most fantasy books my friends only seemed to be coming across in highschool. That sounds like I'm bragging which is totally not the case, just probably a combo of 'habituation' and my own OCD personality. Ooh Jane Yolen was also good and I only came across Anne McCaffrey in my first year of highschool. But I digress. A point I wanted to raise in relation to this is that due to Harry Potter's popularity, more children are (apparently) now looking towards other books in the fantasy genre and this probably wouldn't have happened before.

Another case of people influencing you to genres you may never have looked at before is (and here I have the good grace to hang my head in shame) the romance genre. In my 2nd year at uni, one of my flatmates discovered Joanna Lindsay and before we knew it, the three of us were cycling them around the flat. I can't remember my first Mills and Boon but I think it was when I was staying at a friend's place when we were housesitting for her parents. Her Dad reads M&B but she had never previously touched them, being of the opinion (rightfully) that they were literary trash. Well one night I had run out of books so and glancing along the shelf saw a M&B. Having already started the slippery slope down the romance 'novel' path, I picked one up out of curiosity. When my friend saw me reading it I got no end of hassle and I didn't really bother to defend myself apart from saying that they were light and fluffy and more than slightly laugh-at-them funny. And because of me, a few months later, my friend confessed to having gotten hooked. Another case of circumstance and people leading someone on to a genre they would never have glanced at twice.

And when you think about it, it happens all the time really. We read books that people recommend, even if they're not what we might normally read because we know the person and respect their opinion so are willing to 'give it a go'.

And that's all I have time for now. Ciao.



*I have clear memories of huddling up in the middle of my parents large bed. (Their bed because my sister was probably asleep and because they were probably watching tv and I like reading in quiet but also because their bed because it's comforting and to be honest, some parts of those Shannara books scared 8yr old me shitless. Didn't stop me though...)

Dahab

This is just going to be a glorified photo caption post because DIVE's on deadline but I wanted to get some piccies up for people to see. I'll write properly about my trip later... This pic is me at the top of the very large steep hill behind my hotel.


This is the view of Dahab from the top of the aforementioned hill.


I fell in love with these disused street lamps.


Taken in Dahab looking towards the mountains. I am totally, utterly and insanely in love the these mountains. They're such amazing shapes and just suddenly jut out of the flat desert and they look brilliant at sunrise and sunset.


The view from my hotel room every morning. So beautiful. No wonder I woke up in a good mood every day. God I miss the sea.


More arty shots, this one is on my balcony looking to the left.

And that's it for today. Ciao.

I'm gonna get you little fishy...

Up until yesterday, it didn't really feel like I had a holiday coming up, it didn't feel real but it definitely is now. I hope to have some last-minute dive kit arriving, I've got my travel insurance, have had the pre-holiday de-hairing, have looked up bus and train times to get me to the airport and have just been given the office dive computer to christen. It's so new and shiny and hasn't been in the water yet and that more than anything else has made me think YAY! I'M GOING ON HOLIDAY TOMORROW!!!

braver than me

What's your first reaction when you see this image? I had several competing for first place:
1- Halloween candy in March? (it's the font and colour of it)
2- scary!
3- yick!
But some people are made of stauncher stuff than I am. Marie reviewed this candy with such dedication that I had to laugh. I wouldn't have gone near it with a 10ft barge pole.

biting the bullet

So after a week or more of sporadic 'aches'* in my ears and with my dive trip looming (I LEAVE ON THURSDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I finally decided to cowboy up and go to the doctor. I decided that I would ask for ear drops, as a preventative if nothing else and that at least would calm my paranoid internal mutterings. So I get there and the lady at the desk is friendly and the doctor when he calls me in sounds friendly and doesn't look at old and doddery as I'd built him up to be in my memory (I saw him for the one and only time before this just over a year ago) so, thinking I'd blown this whoel thing out of proportion, I sat down and explained the situation. He looked in my ear, said it looked clean, any aches were probably from internal pressure and I should take sudofed to get rid of that and drops were a last resort (the unspoken part was that he wouldn't prescribe them until it got worse). I double checked that any achey stuff would only be from congestion, he said yes, apparently my ear looks good and sent me on my way. No weighing or general questions about my health, no blood pressure, nada. I guess I'm just used to the personal touch of my doctor who has treated me for the past 10 years or more and doesn't have a gazillion patients. So I bought sudofed on the way to work, have popped a pill and it better bloody well work. (I have a moderate degree of faith.)

olé¡

A couple of weekends ago I accompanied a friend to an 'm' party. I went as a Mexican (having all the paraphernalia left over from Kerry's and my Mexican party all that time ago). I've put this picture up because, artistically, I'm fascinated by how much more flattering B&W can be (especially when you boost up the contrast) than colour... I mean seriously, dude, I look so much better in B&W.

alternative humour

I can't remember where exactly I found this image (it was somewhere on my stumbles) but I had to put it in because it makes me laugh. Cute and funny but somehow a little bit sad as well.

*I say 'aches' because I'm in a near hypochondriacal (it may not be a real word but it should be) state so any twitch of anything in my ear becomes an 'ache'.

grumble grumble

Stupid blogger is playing up and won't let me upload pics, without which there is no point in me blogging. Boo hiss I say, booooooooo.

font nazi time

One of the guys at work forwarded me this email the other morning and as soon as I opened the email I started laughing and this is why:



Well you won't be working for any magazine of mine buddy, I can tell you that. What kind of a designer sends an email around asking for work that is formatted in comic sans?! It means one of two things:
1) comic sans is the default font he has set his email to
2) he made an effort and chose to format his text with that font
And in fact option 1 means he made the conscious choice to set satan's font as the default which is an UNFORGIVABLE offense.

no imagination*

My flatmate was very excited the other day because he got Vista for his computer. When I asked him, not very delicately, why the f*ck he had gone and done a thing like that, he said because it was better than XP. I said, "Really?" We all agree his computer is shit. It's slow, it's temperamental, it's a PC. But I am the first person to point out that it's probably not the poor little computer's fault but rather the stupid operating system it has to run. What computer stands a chance?

So Sean had disappeared off to his room to geek it up with his new satanic operating system and I was telling Sarah that it was meant to be 4˚C the next day so we'd need to bundle up and she said, "Oh we know already. Sean has a new toy on his computer which tells him the weather." At this point I lost it, "It's called a widget and they nicked it from Apple because they have no f*cking original ideas of their own!" That sentence reads fairly calmly** but my voice was raised and my arms were waving in the air. One might almost have described me as irate...

*this should be making people think of The Italian Job, the American remake.
**and may in fact have contained quite a few more liberal smatterings of the 'f' word, I get a bit worked up when it comes to the lack of imagination of the staff of Microsoft

sorting it out...

Yesterday I realised that in just over 2 weeks I will be in Dahab on my yoga diving course. This means I will be diving which means I will be underwater which means that I will need my sinuses to be fully functioning and not in their current snot-clogged state. This meant sitting down with myself and giving my body a little talking-to. I explained that it may have been sulking over the past couple of weeks (although God only knows why, I've been very nice to it- I feed it regularly and take it for walks and everything...) and whereas the whole feeling of stuff shifting around in my head when I wake up in the mornings and filling up my sinuses to the stage where I can't breathe and eat at the same time may have been all very haha funny in the beginning, the joke is now over. I'm giving my body one week (and that's pretty indulgent as it is) to shape up and I want to feel those sinuses whistle clean and ready to smoothly equalise by the time I hit the water. I have fish to see and places to swim.

Not to appear totally insensitive, I have promised loads of vitamin C enriched yummy fruity drinks and even some non-perscription medication but if it doesn't shape up, I'm afraid I'm going to have to take it to the doctor and as I explained to myself, neither of us want to do that. He'll probably prescribe 4 different drugs that we don't really need and tempt us with the hope of taking our blood pressure only to let us down. Oh yeah, and that sore throat that's been sleeping on the couch for the past fortnight? He has to go too.

mountains and molehills

I don't tend to get sick that often so when I do, I do it in style- which is just fine. There are however the times that I get common-garden-under-the-weather, like I am now. Combine my general unaccustomedness of B-Grade unwell with my paranoia about the English health system and you have the perfect recipe for Aynia the Hypochondriac. Yesterday, just as I was leaving work, I noticed that my throat was getting sore again and then I got a twinge in my ear and in the 20 mins it took to get me to the supermarket on my way home, I had myself diagnosed with an ear infection and possible tonsillitis. I drank not one, not two, but four hot lemon, honey and ginger drinks last night which is usually a fool-proof way to cut a sore throat off at the pass but not this one, oh no. I woke up at 5am and my throat felt swollen and sore and my body was achey and I started to think of all the other things that could be wrong with me. And then just before I was leaving the house this morning I felt a twinge in my right shoulder which seems like the same place it hurt before when I had tendinitis which I really don't want because that had me out of action for about a month and my climbing's going so well at the moment that I'd be gutted if I couldn't climb.

I'm falling to pieces* (ear infection, tonsillitis and my arm is about to drop off) and worse yet, I may have to the NHS. shudder Call me crazy but I just don't put any faith in my doctor who I've met once and is a little old man who didn't really talk to me at all apart from to read over the form I filled in to register with him. I think he took my blood pressure but that might be my imagination. ..

*remember these are the ramblings of a sleep-deprived hypochondriac. I'm sure if I OD on vitamin C all will come right.

bag love

I have a weakness for handbags, I'll admit it. I came over to the UK with 2 and now have a small suitcase full. I know some won't be making it across the world with me at the end of the year but that doesn't mean the choosing will be easy.

I came across these bags which I have fallen for big time. They've totally inspired me to go searching through op shops for oddball material and to sit down and sew me some creations. I think they're the schizzle.



The picture on the right is the inside of the image on the right. Wow! I would happily have that as a normal bag, let alone the inside. I wonder if it's reversible...





These photos are great. I think taking time to show detail proves that you've taken time to create something and think about the finer points of its design.

just coz I think it's cool

I wish...

that I could draw like this:

I came across this guy's site and his illustrations just blow me away. I'm a sucker for a good sketch at the best of times and will usually choose them over a painting and of course I have a weakness for fantasy subject matter. I'm just amazed that someone has such an awesome imagination that they can think this kind of thing up and 'noodle it out' while in a book store. And jealous. Very jealous.

something for the eyes

Usually gems like this would be saved for a Friday as they're Friday-suitable hilarity but I've decided to post them now and besides, for my southern hemisphere readership, it will be Friday by the time you read this anyway.

Mary Poppins - Ruined By Andy.F

OK GO
From the genius minds that brought you the treadmill video

Enjoy!

London, it's as easy as A, B, C...

My friend Sue has devised (appropriated/adapted) a scheme by which we will do more interesting things and see more interesting stuff in and around London this year- the Alphabet Weekend. On a chosen weekend we will, in order, choose three letters (or maybe 4 if we're ambitious) of the alphabet and do an activity or see a sight that starts with that letter. We started this weekend just past and did Abby Road, Borough Market and China Town.

BOROUGH MARKET
We actually started our outing at Borough Market as it worked smoother transport-wise. I love Borough Market. It's all the cool food. Witness at my look of cheese joy:


And here is me giving some bread what really looks like a glad-eye:

There is only so much of Sue and her camera that two girls can handle.

ABBY ROAD


We only had three of us but we did our best to recreate the walk... I wore by flare jeans especially and do believe I have the best walking action. Even if I do say so myself.

Sue also decided that we need to make the shape of the appropriate letter at each site using our bodies. I think we're gonna take a bit of practice... This was an initial attempt at an 'A'. I swear I thought my leg was higher but it really looks like I'm kicking Rose in the groin*




The 'B' was our first attempt at any letter creation and it took us a while to work out what we wanted to do...

CHINA TOWN
Me and Sue making a 'C' at the Gate to China Town.

At the time, I thought I was trying to make a backwards 'C'. It seems I really have to work on what I think I'm doing with my body and what is happening in reality. Still a funny photo though.




And in closing
Totally unrelated to Alphabet Weekends but vaguely related to London is this Shakespeare Insult Kit that I found on the web. I have too many favourites to name but I particularly like the sound of:
paunchy pox-marked pignut
fawning flap-mouthed flirt-gill
vain common-kissing canker-blossom

Some names I had to look up the definition for because they ended up to be nothing like what I may have guessed:
hugger-mugger
fustilarian A low fellow; a stinkard; a scoundrel
mammet An idol; a puppet; a doll
flirt-gill A woman of light behavior; a gill-flirt.

Bawdy, churlish, paunchy, saucy, surly- all great words to say. I love the way you can roll them around your mouth. Not on his list but equally satisfying are pillock and bollocks.

*I promise no Rose was harmed in the making of these images.

Look Mum, I'm on TV!

Well, kinda. Sadly I have no link to something where ppl can view what I think may be my accumulative 3 seconds of fame but I was on TV.

My friend Sue, got tickets to Dancing on Ice, courtesy of her yoga buddy who does makeup for the show. It was my first live-studio-audience experience and it was really interesting as well as great fun but being an audience is hard work, let me tell you. Stand up, cheer, clap, sit down, stand up cheer, sit down, cheer, cheer CLAP CLAP CLAP tell you can't feel your hands and then make even more noise. Sue and I are going to tape the rerun of the show and fast forward through the skating bits and just watch the audience shots so we can see ourselves. hee hee.

This is a shot of the set before anything started, needless to say, we weren't allowed to take pics at all so even this was a sneaky one.

And, we had a celebrity moment, not that we knew it was one at the time. We were at the bar and Sue was behind me when the guy beside me turned around with his drinks and said to Sue, who must have been standing where his girlfriend had been previously, "Hey Babe, can you just take these back" and Sue said, "Ok." and he double-checked, and went, "OH! Sorry! I totally thought you were someone else! I was about to lean in for a kiss and everything." So we all had a little laugh and later on we ended up standing near him and his friends and all these people kept coming up asking for his autograph and to get photos taken with him and we were like, "OMG! We were talking to a celebrity, he put his arm around Sue, he's famous and we had no idea." Typical. Just so you all know, this was our celeb, he's on Hollyoaks, one of the UK's soap operas.

On another note, you should all read this entry of A Dress A Day. I was actually giggling out loud, I haven't laughed that much at a blog entry in a very long time.

they still all looked like a plate of Hot Mistake with a side of Mental Deficient

Read it.

best laid plans........

So clearly I was too vocal about geeking it up on Fri night because Fate must have heard me and threw a spanner in the works. I had just settled with my Chinese and was about to press play on the DVD when the door opened and Jane's friend, who had been looking after the place before me and was meant to be away that night, came in. Turns out there was a mixup in communications so I finished my Chinese, had a glass of wine and a chat and then trotted off home. Not exactly the Friday night I had planned but oh well...

Friday

Marie's blog is great for random quizzes and are the perfect thing for a Friday. This week's quiz is What File Extension Are You?

When you work with amateurs it can get quite ugly

Hahahahahaha. If they only knew..............

slice of heaven

Tonight I'm back out at Jane's looking after the kitty-cats and, sad though some might think it, I'm really looking forward to my night in. There's a Chinese takeaway I love 10mins down the road from her place and my rental DVD that arrived yesterday is 3:10 to Yuma so I have a pretty near perfect Aynia Night In: crazy cats, Chinese and a western. Heaven!

chocolate chocolate chocolate

I have to congratulate the people at BBC Good Food for their impeccable timing in sending out their e-newsletters. They usually arrive around lunchtime or about 5pm as I'm getting ready to home and it just starts me drooling. This morning I was welcomed by 'Romantic Meals in Minutes'.

If you haven't booked that romantic restaurant or hand-selected your scallops for Valentine's Day it's probably too late. Fear not - you can still make a special meal in minutes with easy-to-get ingredients that won't blow the budget.

Ba humbug to all that but at the bottom of the newsletter was a link to chocolate pudding recipes. Be warned: if you're going to check out that link and you like choccie, strap on a bib and tie yourself down because you will be drooling non-stop and then running to the supermarket to start making everything on the list. A few of my favourites I must share with you though:

Gateaux au chocolat chaud
I think the picture says it all. All that melted gooey choccie inside.... Mmmmm.................

Marbled honeycomb & chocolate mousse pots

I think these just sound and look interesting although I can't quite figure out if it's meant to be a hot or cold desert as it sounds like it'd be more luke-warm than anything else...

Chocolate Soufflé

I love the idea of doing these in mugs, it just seems like a really cute idea. Plus I've never made a soufflé before because they sound temperamental so I think it's time I rose to the challenge.

God only knows where I'm going to find all the people to eat all this stuff. I have already threatened my Mum that when I get to Oz, I won't look for a job, I'll just settle down in their kitchen and bake 24/7. But even with family friends and relatives, I don't think they know enough people to consume all my creative endeavours... And if I give them to my newly acquired diving and climbing buddies it'll look like I'm trying to buy friends. Which would totally be true as I have no qualm about using food as bribery but I don't like it to appear that way... ;-)

humble?

I had to laugh when I read this. Classic.

Receiving a Grammy for a package design is like winning a Nobel Peace Prize for giving up a seat on the subway to an old person.

perspective

A friend of mine wrote this to me in an email the other day and I thought them very wise words:

Terry Pratchett said making a musician go deaf is a joke that backfires on the gods, it doesn't stop him from hearing the music, it only stops him from hearing the distractions. Who knows what loss of reality will do for Pratchett's imagination

divers are a bunch of nutters

Look at me people, look at me, look at me [think Kath and Kim], I've got two words to say to you: extreme ironing. Yeah, you heard me. It is described as

the latest danger sport that combines the thrills of an extreme outdoor activity with the satisfaction of a well pressed shirt.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. I don't iron at the best of times, I'm sure as hell not going to lug an iron, let alone an ironing board around for the sake of a 'humourous' photo.

In fact if I were to be honest, it isn't just divers that are a bunch of nutters. All kinds of people seems to think this extreme iron malarkey is a laugh and a half.

gogogo

This weekend I went go-karting for the first time ever (witness me all homie-g-cool in my fire-retardant overalls). Sexy. It was such awesome fun although I turned out to be quite shit. That or my friends are all speed demon drivers because I was second last going in to the final. I managed to overtake Rosie, thereby bumping me up a placing and I've never been so proud of myself as when I managed to sneak up behind her and swing past inside a hairpin turn. Not that we're a competitive bunch, oh no, not at all...


Sue is back from training around the Asian continent for 3 and a bit months and you can tell because suddenly everything is caught on camera. In this photos I'm delving into Rose's overalls because her top had ridden up so I was pulling it down. But of course it looks snoop-dodgey-dodge. Focus instead on my new haircut. It's short again and I'm loving it, it is just what I asked for. (As it should be really, I took in photos of when I'd last had it looking like that...) I also have another hole in each ear, after thinking about it for a couple of weeks, I decided that I really wanted some more bling in there so now I'm patiently waiting out my 6 weeks so I can put in the teeny weeny studs I have in mind.


I had to put this one up because it cracks me up. The lady shaking her booty with me is Brenda. That girl has more spontaneous dancing energy than me- probably even more than my sister, and together we are a fearsome sight. Needless to say, Sue sees us starting up and hardly knows where to point her camera...


For those who have known me for a while, this should be a familiar sight- Aynia tending to the birthday cake (made by moi, of course). I am also familiarly resplendent in stripy polyprop and this is one of my less eye-assaulting numbers...

tastes like home

My parents emailed me pictures of their new home and it looks so green and lovely and amazing that I just want to be there now. It's a really nice feeling to look at pictures of this new place and be able to go, "Yeah, that looks like I could call that home." Hell, it looks like it already feels like home. But as a result, I'm back in justwannabeinOz mode. Or more accurately, justwannabewiththewhanau mode. So then I did the dangerous thing and started looking at job recruitment sites in Brisbane. There is no point in my doing this yet as I'm only going to be there AT THE END OF THE YEAR. And then yesterday I started looking around the web for dive clubs and rock climbing walls in Brissie... again with the end of the year comment...

But it's exciting. I have a whole new adventure coming up and dive clubs and rock climbing could well be the only way to stop myself from being Little Miss NoMates but the problem with getting excited about the new adventure is that I lose sight of the here and now and I must remember to carpe diem what I can of Europe while I'm here. I already know that with my priority on diving holidays, I'm going to miss quite a bit of Europe and I'll get back home and people will be like, "So did you see this?" no "Did you go there?" no "How about this place?" no "So what exactly did you do with your 3 1/2 years over there?!" umm........ Egypt?

wedding singer

I came across The Wedding Singer fairly late in life and so have only seen it about twice but it was on (again) late on Sat evening and I caught one of my favourite moments just in time- Adam Sandler singing Somebody Kill Me Please. The video of it is on YouTube. Go watch, it's hilarious. And for those who know the tune, here are the lyrics so you can start singing it to yourself.

You don't know how much I need you.
While you're near me I don't feel blue.
And when we kiss I know you need me too.
I can't believe I found a love that's so pure and true.

But it all was bullshit.
It was a goddam joke.
And when I think of you Linda,
I hope you fucking choke.

I hope you're glad with what you've done to me.
I lay in bed all day long feeling melancholy.
You left me here all alone, tears running constantly.

Oh somebody kill me please,
somebody kill me plee-ase,
I'm on my knees,
pretty pretty please kill me.

I want to die.
Put a bullet in my head.

cirque glory

On Wednesday night I went to see Varekai, the current performance of Cirque du Soleil at Royal Albert Hall. It was absolutely amazing, just incredible. I have to admit that I wasn't sure how good it would be live. Which sounds every bit as blasphemous a comment as it is but when you watch it on the tele, you know that all the action is being followed and you can see everything closeup and I was worried it would be hard to keep track of it all. I scoff at my fears now. Being there as it was performed was incomparable- to actually see people flying through space and be part of the amazing atmosphere... I was caught between speechlessness, going, "Oh my God" and nearly being in tears due to the beauty/ amazingness/ wonderfulness of it all. I would go again in a heartbeat (if I could afford it) and am so glad that I finally got organised enough to go. All I can say is that if anyone ever gets a chance to see Cirque du Soleil perform, DO IT.

God etc

I haven't read Mimi Smartypants in a while and was doing some catchup today and came across an entry which struck a chord with me:

Nora: Dead people live on in us, right?
Me [taken by surprise]: Oh, you mean because we remember them? Right.
Nora: But dead people don't really live, like inside you. Like a tapeworm.* That would be crazy!
Me: It sure would!
Nora: Some people believe in God, though.
Me: Yup.
Nora: And they say that the dead people go live with God.
Me: Uh-huh. That's what some people say.
Nora: Is that true?
Me: Well, no one knows for sure. People believe different things.
Nora: Do you think it's true?
Me [mental sigh]: No, I don't. It doesn't make sense to me, so I don't believe it. I think dead is dead, and then the alive people do the remembering.
[pause]
Me: But you can learn about both---the God idea and the no-God idea---and then someday you can make up your own mind. [to myself: Yeah sure, after I just SHIT ALL OVER THE GOD IDEA GOOD ONE SMARTYPANTS]
Nora: I don't think God is real. But I will think about it more when I am five.
Me: Good plan.

Because I wonder- what will I do when I have kids? I think it's important to know about religion because it's a major part of how the world works/how people think but when it comes down to it, I think organised religion is bullshit. (Which is not to say that I don't believe in God/gods/high powers etc, that is a different matter.) But is this something I should let my kids decide for themselves? I guess when in doubt I can take a leaf out of my parents' book on child rearing because whatever they did, they clearly did it right.

*We are very interested in tapeworms around here. I keep emphasizing how rare tapeworm infestation is in this country, as a kind of veiled plea for CAN WE STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS PLEASE, but Nora still brings up tapeworms a lot. I sort of explained (simplistically) how a tapeworm eats the host's food before it can be properly digested, thus resulting in severe illness and malnutrition. However, it is clear from the way that Nora giggles throughout my dire pronouncements that she thinks of a tapeworm as a sort of lovable prankster, a little friend who snatches that last cupcake before you get a chance to eat it.

Irish farmer joke

I got this joke forwarded to me today adn deemed it worthy of sharing:

A farmer named Seamus had a car accident.

In court, the lorry company's fancy hot shot solicitor was questioning Seamus.

"Didn't you say, to the Garda at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?"asked the solicitor.

Seamus responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details", the solicitor interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

Seamus said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."

The solicitor interrupted again and said, "Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Gárda on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.
Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and said to the solicitor, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie".

Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was
Thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move.

However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a garda on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Then the Garda came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?"

"Now what the F*ck would you say?"

tragedy

Heath Ledger is dead. I couldn't believe it when I heard. Apparently he died of a drug overdose and I can't help but thinking, "What a waste." What a waste of talent, of life, what about his poor 2 year old daughter, just what a waste. I don't think I'll be able to watch 10 Things I Hate About You or A Knight's Tale for a wee while now as all I'll be able to think is, "He's dead. He was so young. What a waste."

Another tragedy, although this is somewhat old news by now, is that Terry Pratchett has Alzheimer's. Now that one is really tragic. I think Alzheimer's has to one of the nastier diseases to hit us later in life, or maybe it's just a personal thing for me and the idea of the deterioration of the brain that is quite horrific and scary and the contrast involved between the person that was and the person they become. It seems though, that at least on the public face of it all, Terry (I did a phone interview with him once for Radio One, I'm entitled to be on a first-name basis) has a very healthy attitude to it all.

PS I would just like to draw attention to everyone reading the above that this should be interpreted as 'I am not dead'. I will, of course, be dead at some future point, as will everybody else. For me, this maybe further off than you think - it's too soon to tell. I know it's a very human thing to say "Is there anything I can do", but in this case I would only entertain offers from very high-end experts in brain chemistry.

I like the Granny Weatherwax reference and hope that Terry proves to be as crotchety and tencious as the good lady herself.

And on a completely different note, I read my most crap horoscope in ages the other day. Shelly von Strunckel is losing her touch, let me tell you. Listen to the inane rubbish she had for me the other day:

It will take weeks, if not months, to fully understand the potential and extent of the ideas and events triggered by Jupiter's stunning alliance with Saturn this week. What's already clear; however, is that the more options you explore, the better informed you'll be when it's time to turn these concepts into lasting plans.

No shit Sherlock. Regardless of what Jupiter and Saturn are up to, exploring all my options always seems like a good idea and I'm all for being best informed to make my decisions. I DO THIS ALREADY. Frankly, I expected more from the lady who liberally sprinkled words like retrograde and ascension but apparently she was having a non-motivated day and reverted to wordy tree-hugging-hippy crystal mumbo-jumbo speak. Shame on you Shelly.

AND...

I'M GOING TO DO A YOGA DIVING COURSE.

Also very berry excited about that one. God knows exactly how Mr. Credit Card is going to juggle it all but I have faith in his superpowers. Eeek- I also have to start getting diving gear. Would a very very old and very very rich man marry me ASAP and then die (also ASAP) and leave me everything (or failing that a nice tidy sum)? If you could, that would be great and very muchly appreciated. I am an excellent cook and do great baked goods.

I'M GOING TO MARSA ALAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After much persuasion, I finally succeeded in my pitch as Marsa Alam as the ideal location for my friend Kerry to celebrate her 30th birthday. She wants to swim with dolphins and Marsa Alam came highly recommended by people at work and with all the internetting I've been doing on it, well I've fallen in love and now we're gonna go and it's awesome. Now I know I may not get to see dolphins as they're a wild pod but the whole place in general sounds amazing with even great snorkeling and coral opportunities just off the beach. And even better, since our birthdays are 5 days apart, we'll be over there for mine as well. Woot!

oh woe is me

I definintely fall under the stereotype of the person who hardly ever gets sick and when they do, they do it in style. Yesterday, just after lunch, I started to feel like someone was slowly stuffing my head full of cotton wool. Then they started to slowly pour in a viscous liquid. And then, clearly feeling they needed to ice the cake of discomfort, they decided to take to me with a piece of 2x4. I ache. Everywhere. So needless to say I'm not at work but I had to venture out this morning to get supplies and I am now going to retire to the sofa to continue ODing on vitamin C. I've had so much of it already in its various forms that I wouldn't be surprised if I start sweating it out my pores. But to sweat I would need to be warm and I even have my thermals on under my trackies. I'm about to go put on a Die Hard movie (probably 2 because I watched 1 again at the weekend) and am hoping I'll pull my party trick of falling asleep when the action gets going. I don't know what it is about the constant noise of gunfire and explosives but it lulls me to sleep...

feeling better now

I am, by now, well over my ohmyGodI'vecommittedtoleavingtheUK angst and am instead well into hallelujahI'mgoinghome mode. Even if I have no idea where 'home' will be. That aspect doesn't actually bother me as much I thought it might. I'll be with the family and that's what counts. (At least to me.) As for what happens when I get there... well I have some ideas but really it's just gonna be one more big adventure which I'll have to take as it comes- which is fine by me. I have till the end of the year to wrap things up here which even me, with my supreme powers of procrastination, should be able to do. Also, it was good talking to friends at the weekend about it because even though they will be sad to see me go, they were excited for me doing this awesome thing and were the first ones to remind me that this is what I want. And it is. Sun, sand and, most importantly, WATER and out of this concrete jungle.

life changes

For someone who was (is) definite in her mind that she wanted to leave the UK for good at the end of the year and has just booked the ticket to enable that action, well I'm feeling a little bit more unsettled than I imagined I would.

I'm sure it's down to a combo of things (and these are in no particular order):
1- going "home" will actually involve going to Auusie, not NZ, as my parents have moved
2- that is strange in itself
3- I was expecting to be able to book this in about July but happened to look online and since I'm using my airpoints to get back, there were only 4 seats on one day available in the month so I realised that I pretty much had to book then and there before they all disappeared and I was left with another UK Christmas or worse, having to pay actual money for my flight. *shudder*
4- making choices like this because they are 'life choices' and not I-hate-this-place-I-want-to-leave-and-set-fire-to-it-on-my-way-out choices is always hard

And so I am feeling unsettled. I should probably be heading out for someone's birthday drinks tonight but I think that I shall instead be making a lame-ass excuse and heading home to watch some comforting chick-flick and I try to re-zen myself. I should be happy, I really should. I should be jumping for joy because I know more than anything that this big city is not the place for me. That said, after almost 3 years, it is home and I have great friends here and love my work and the people I work with. Maybe I should just go home and look at pictures of beaches, that'll refocus me. Or I could go to the pool and try out my new pro look as my goggles and swim cap arrived today. Oh yes I will be the hottest thing in the pool. *cough*