so rude

Everyone knows that when you come back to work after a nice relaxing holiday, you're gonna have to deal with Reality at some point. Now I'm the kind of girl who prefers my reality to sidle up to me in a bashful manner and hang around behind me scuffing it's feet as it coughs politely to try and get my attention and when that fails, it might, just might pluck up the courage to tap me gently on the shoulder as it cleared its throat. That's how I prefer my reality but it sure as heck ain't how I get it. My reality gives me half an hour (the half hour that I was in the office before anyone else) and then charges at me full tilt, swinging its baseball bat with malicious intent. But I refuse to let it win, I'm nothing if not stubborn, so I just don my kevlar vest, put on my iPod, then my crash helmet, and settle in.

Before I start in on Egypt I have to share a quote from Mimi Smartypant's blog because it was one of the first things I read when I got back and I laughed out loud. Loudly.

11. The other day a group of teenagers from the not-so-nice high school on my bus route boarded the bus and began some typical stupidity---throwing stuff, fake-wrestling, etc. Normally I don't care, but after one of them almost crash-landed in my lap for the second time I pulled out the headphones and tugged on the sleeve of the closest perpetrator, saying, "Hey. Please cut it out."

Maybe I delude myself in thinking that I look like enough of a mom/old lady/respectable citizen that they would be a tiny bit chastised and comply. Because I was honestly surprised when I the kid told me to fuck off. It may sound otherwise in this diary, but I am pretty chill about public space. You can skateboard or yap on your cell phone or sing to yourself and as long as you don't actually SHOVE ME or YANK YOUR ROD it is all good in the hood. But shove me AND give me lip AND you are a punk-ass no-account high school kid in the bargain? Oh, then it's on. I gave him my best stern look and started putting my book away and getting my gloves on, because we were almost at my stop.

One of the Shoving Kid's friends snickered something about his reprimand while I was standing at the back door, ready to disembark, and I heard SK say, "Fuck that. I'm gonna fucking rape that bitch."

Excuse me? Is this a figure of speech? Remember that WTF light? Blinking like crazy right about now. What I Should Have Done: walked right over there and planted my Chuck Taylor hard in his scrotum. I'd get away with it too---see me here all respectable and mom-like with my briefcase and lunch bag? What I Did Do, Inexplicably: yelled "ASSHOLE, YOU COULDN'T RAPE A WAFFLE!" right before I got off the bus. You couldn't rape a waffle. Where did that come from? I am as puzzled as you.

A long quote I know but I felt all the context was needed. "You couldn't rape a waffle?!" Oh the genius. Oh the hilarity.